Walk With Me

Forgive me for not being incredibly passionate about the current political state of this country. (Which don’t get me wrong, I’m fully aware!)  Forgive me if I seem a little oblivious or as though I’m not participating as much as usual. Forgive me if when I see you, I completely forget to ask you how you are doing. I know I don’t really owe an apology but I am a people pleaser. Truly, I am more aware than you know. There are a lot of things not fair about what’s going on in the world. But for me, in my little world, you know what’s not fair? What’s not fair is silently sitting on the sidelines while I watch my Dad looking at his granddaughter and I sense he’s trying to recall something, but it’s just not coming to him. What’s not fair is when my Dad, the author, technical writer, sermon writer, struggles to write the letter “H” in the word “fish”. What’s not fair is having moments where I wonder if my Dad knows who I am. That’s completely not fair! My Dad is living with...

Tonight was family movie night. Toward the end, I had all three girls cuddling with me and I thought “I don’t slow down and do this nearly enough.” Yet, 5 minutes later I’m rushing to get laundry away and harping on the girls to get their rooms picked up and their jammies on. Lydia says, “hey Mom” and comes into my room with a smile on her face like she has something really important to say. But instead of stopping what I was doing and listening to her, I shushed her and told her to finish picking up her room. She walked away without a word. The second I did it, that voice in my head chided me and told me to stop and go listen. Because she had a pep in her step, a smile on her face and it was important to her. So, I went and sat on her bed while she sat on her floor, picking up her things like I asked. I asked her what it was she wanted to tell me and for a moment, she hesitated and didn’t look at me. I had pushed her away once; I don’t blame her one bit for being skittish in...

I go to this blog Finding Joy when I need to be reminded that I am not perfect, when I need encouragement during the isolating winters or when I’m feeling alone in Stay at Home Mom land. I read this post  yesterday and I had a major "Ah ha moment". I finally heard someone tell me it was okay to admit where I’m at in my own motherhood journey. “Do you know what I think? I think it’s normal to not like motherhood sometimes. Yep. I said it. So what do you do if you’re in that spot? That not liking of motherhood moment place in life and yet here you are – a mom? The truth is that we all need authentic real moms who are able and willing to mention where they are in this journey." (Rachel Martin, findingjoy.net).   I’m trying to be authentic by admitting I have been in a stage of not liking motherhood. That in and of itself is a horrible feeling. On top of that, boy have I felt the guilt. Because I felt called to this path and I chose this path. I cho...

[photo of a photo] This one was had me stuck. When I finally decided which photo to use I realized I should probably ask permission since it's a photo of my parents. (And if they're actually reading this blog I'm sorry I didn't ask, but it's a great picture and here's the reason why I chose this photo...) My parents are strong, caring people. They have worked hard and sacrificed so much for my siblings and me. I am eternally grateful for how much they've supported me, endured the not so good sides of me, and just plain loved me. I'm a lucky daughter. I was practicing with the natural light in our window and as I was taking pictures, my girls were walking by and I realized the glass was catching their reflection. I am amazed at how much of my parents I see in my girls and that makes me smile. What blessings...

[a collection] Today I practiced with a creative filter. As I looked around the living room trying to decide on a collection, my music books caught my eye. I have other collections, but my piano books mean a lot to me. I literally carried many of these books on my back during my college years. Long walks to practice rooms, long nights in practice rooms. (Usually they were stifling hot practice rooms!) My hymnals and organist editions were gifts to me from grandparents and I can't even explain how much those mean to me. I know I will have them until the day I die. Some are books my parents had for years and while I'm pretty sure I asked permission to have them, they just ended up following me around and I still have them. I've used these books in my teaching and now my girls are using some of them. I know this is just a season in my life, but it's a season where I'm not playing as much as I like. Someday, this collection will be added to and overused!

[ground level] I feel like a couple of these themes are repeats, but I don't mind. Today was a cold, rainy day so we did body tracing and the girls got to color them in on the floor. Perfect opportunity to get on their level. I'm starting to test taking pictures in shutter priority mode. Obviously needs work, but that's what this project is all about.

[green] I already had this theme last month and went with a plant. So while I contemplated taking a picture of my daffodils making their way through the ground, I was inspired by something else tonight. This little green cup is part of our bath time ritual. Yes, just used for rinsing hair, but the reason it's important to me is because I love bath night! There's something about water that's so therapeutic so I especially love bath night after those tough, long days. I really feel a cleansing of sorts. A time to wash the day away and get ready for a new one. Plus, the laughter and smiles from the girls makes me so happy!