Sucky Surrender
I’m mad. But I don’t know who or what to be mad at. I could be mad at Dad. For leaving me in this way. For not fighting harder, for leaving me when I’m in this season of needing him. I could be mad at my family but they didn’t ask for this either. I feel mad at myself. For not doing more, for not doing anything, for trying too hard. For feeling like a complete and utter mess. I want to be mad at God. For this painstaking way he is taking Dad from me. For making life feel just dang hard right now. For taking away all clarity, for leaving me standing in this season of loss. For this pain and broken heart I am feeling. I’m so mad, but I have no one to be mad at. I’m so mad but I have nothing to be mad at. I just can’t wrap my head around it anymore. Or maybe I’m just tired of trying to wrap my head around it and it’s a surrender that’s harder than the frantic trying to wrap my head around it. It’s a surrender that I need to do, but it’s a surrender that absolutely su