Release Your Rights
I realized I’ve been saying to Jon more and more frequently that I haven't been there for Dad. I think in my head I’ve been telling myself it’s because I’m not physically there to help with day-to-day care. But, it’s more than that. Sure, I'm physically not there but my heart’s not there either. What I mean is that deep down, who God made me to be instinctively knows what Dad needs more than anything but it is the one thing that I’ve been avoiding doing for him. To say that I feel like so many things have collided to make me feel like I’m having a midlife crisis in my 30’s is an understatement. And I write this with a joking tone in my head and yet it’s entirely true. So I’ve been searching, reading, crying, asking questions, praying, more crying – all of which aren’t bad things - but lately just realizing that I can’t really do anything but surrender and by goodness is that hard to do. And here’s why. Because I’m trying to play God. And I’m trying to play God to avoid…