Simple Gifts

This summer, Bethany came with me alone one day to visit Grandpa. She helped me with communion and we sat out on the patio and enjoyed a summer day. I selfishly asked her to quick snap a picture of me holding my Dad's hand.

Dad was never a photogenic person and at the time I honestly felt guilty and selfish asking her to take the picture. When I look at it now, I don't regret having her take it. Because looking at this photo reminds me of so much more than just my hands or Dad's hands. His hands wrote books and magazine articles and sermons. Those hands chopped wood and built fires. Those hands baptized my girls and my nieces and prayed and presided over milestones in other peoples' lives. Neither of us are perfect, these hands have accompanied a heart and mind and mouth that have said and done things we wish we hadn't. But, they are hands that have also done good and helped others and have shown love. I wanted a memory because I need the memory. I visit with him and hold his hand and this is what we have now.

Usually I am the one taking pictures but last Christmas, Jon quietly took the camera at some point and took some pictures while I was helping Dad open presents. Again, Dad was never a photogenic person; a lot of times he was the one with the camera. I remember it seeming almost weird when I realized Jon was taking pictures, but seeing these now I'm grateful he captured these few little moments. Because, while Dad is physically here, Thanksgiving and most likely Christmas will be spent at the memory care facility. This may have been the last Christmas with Dad at home.

And seeing my Dad smile like this... No words. I thought my Dad's smile was gone for good. I hadn't seen it for quite some time. But lately, when I visit my Dad's been giving me this smile of his that always seems more like this mischievous up-to-no-good smile. In my mind, I feel like maybe that was the smile he gave my Grandpa and Grandma Scott when he was doing something he shouldn't have been and it makes me smile. Jon asked me the other day if there was anything I wanted for Christmas. He already knew the answer. "I just want my Dad back", I said knowing that's just wishful thinking.

This picture and his smiling at me when I visit is the only gift I need.