Walk With Me

Today, one of my favorite authors @emilypfreeman dropped her weekly podcast and today of all days it makes me weep. I weep because it's a simple, yet profound podcast about Psalm 23 - one of Dad's favorites, one I read at the funeral. A Psalm that has ebbed and flowed with me throughout the years, but has taken on a whole new meaning in recent months. I'm still marking time. Here in the midst of this pandemic - when all the days are crazy making and hours are jumbled together - the only time I still seem to truly be marking is the time it's been since Dad went home. It was a Tuesday, it was the 28, the weather was gloomy. Three months and yet the time of loss has spanned much longer than that.  When Dad passed it felt like a reprieve from the constant feeling of helplessness and heartbreak watching Dad suffer. But it was replaced only with a deeper sorrow and loss of which I wouldn't truly understand until I started living it. As I've grieved these ...

While it’s been over 10 years now, we lost my Grandpa (Dad’s Dad) on Easter Monday. We spent the days of Holy Week visiting and sitting with Grandpa much like we did with Dad a few months ago. I remember driving to the nursing home and asking God where he was. I loved my Grandpa and I was hurt and I was sad. Dad never really talked about losing his parents, but I know it was hard on him. I remember it was hard watching my Dad try to do all that needed to be done in his role as pastor during such a busy season in the church. Holy Week was hard. Just a few years later I lost my other Grandpa to cancer two weeks before Easter and I was heartbroken. Months before he had held my tiny little Lydia in his big strong hands and I remember thinking how fortunate I was to have my Grandpa holding her. For me, he was a very silent force in my life and he left a big hole down here. While my Mom didn’t talk much about it, I know it was hard for her too and as a new, young Mom it was h...